Tips On Journalistic Professionality

1. It is not a journalist's job to win arguments by force of argument. That's the job of lawyers and politicians, who are paid for arguing. Journalists have their own jobs to do. They need to report what happened in an objective way, without slanting or ignoring facts that support one side but which they might dislike, or making up things from whole cloth.

2. A journalist never argues with people who disagree with him about his own views. If you think it's a good idea to let the rich get richer, then the last thing you want to do is argue against it. You'll be seen as part of the problem rather than someone trying to solve it. The best way to deal with this is to claim your right to publish, not to debate. If you've got something to say, write it down, stick it on a piece of paper, and let everyone see.

3. Never argue with anyone about anything unless you're prepared to state publicly how many years of experience you have doing it. This isn't because journalists are so much better at journalism than everyone else – quite the reverse. It's because if you start talking about "experience" you're suddenly arguing in terms of knowledge rather than opinion. People won't take you seriously after that, and you'll lose credibility.

4. When there's a public controversy, always blame both sides equally. There are two reasons for this. One, it saves time and effort. And two, when you're the only one pointing out the obvious flaws in the other side's position, it makes you look like you're in a completely different camp from them, and therefore untouchable. (This also works quite well with politics, by the way.)

5. Make sure you make your editor and your boss look good, however much you may hate them. As long as they don't know how little you actually respect them, you can pretend that you really admire them for having such great taste, even though you hate their guts. And if you ever get a chance to get rid of them, go for it.

6. Don't bother with any of these rules if your employers tell you otherwise. After all, they're the ones paying you.

7. There are no "facts", only interpretations of facts. Every fact has at least three possible interpretations:

(a) Everything is exactly as it seems to be.

(b) The facts are entirely wrong, and everything you thought was true turns out to be false.

(c) The facts are partly right and partly wrong.

If you find yourself thinking "That's not what I believe!" then the answer is that it's probably (c). It's important to recognize that this doesn't mean you're in the right, just that you're more knowledgeable about the subject than everyone else. You'll feel better about this if you remember that it's not your fault if they've got the facts wrong. What's more important is how you interpret them.

8. Reporters shouldn't ask questions. They should supply information. If you want to know something, you're supposed to read the newspaper and fill in the gaps yourself.

9. If you think you can do a better job than the reporters, you're probably right. So go ahead and try. But if they beat you to it, don't complain.

10. The most effective way to influence people is through the media. Because of this, journalists and editors have a duty to use their positions of power to manipulate public opinion in the direction they want. Their job is to create a consensus around whatever political decisions have already been made, and to make sure everyone knows about it.

11. If you think there's some kind of conspiracy between the government and the media to control public opinion, you're crazy.

12. If you're going to write something controversial, you should be aware of the effects your words might have on the readers. If you're worried about the effect your writing will have, you should probably avoid saying anything controversial.

13. If you're not sure whether you're allowed to do something, you're not.

14. If you're not sure you're allowed to do something, you're probably doing it anyway.

15. The purpose of journalism is to sell newspapers, and to keep people reading them. To achieve this, journalists must write interesting stories. However, they don't have to be true. In fact, it's often preferable for them not to be true. The easiest way to produce a story that's interesting is to invent it, or twist the truth, or mix together several different stories so that it looks like they're one big story.

16. The best way to write a gripping story is to invent characters and events and make them perform in ways that are impossible to imagine in real life. For example, if you've got a boring story about a company being investigated for corruption, the best thing you can do is invent a character called "Big Nasty". Then you can make him do things that would never happen in real life.

17. Good writers know how to play on the emotions of their readers. They can make them laugh and cry, and rage against injustice. If you're writing a story that will affect the lives of millions, it helps if you can make your audience angry and scared.

18. A good writer can make his readers forget about the way he writes.